Speaking in Tongues

There are a couple of things that make me cringe while watching the tube. The Brady Bunch Reunion Special comes to mind. George Bush mangling the English language is another. Lately, I’m feeling embarrassed for Sarah Palin and for us as a nation. Now we know why they are hiding her. The few sneak peeks into her intellect just conjure up more Funniest Home Video moments that make our country look like bimbonic dumb dumbs. When asked about the bail out, she appeared to be speaking in tongues. “Well it’s all tied to national healthcare (what?) …and it’s all about job creation (really?). Is she missing what the bail out proposal is really about? Is Wall Street now tackling national healthcare and job creation? She is starting to hang herself with these—well convoluted ramblings that we do not know where they are streaming from. It's almost like watching the Miss USA pageant where the contestants share simple minded platitudes about world peace and goodness for all. I must give props to Katie Couric, she seems to be growing a pair and earning some street cred. Unlike other reporters who let politicians skate by and not answer direct questions, she persisted….actually insisted on answers. In part two, we hear Palin talk about being her state being close to Russia. She rambled, “As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America where do they go? Alaska.” This is only a preview and the world is waiting.

Empty Photo Op

Let’s prop up Sarah Palin and show pretty pictures of her sitting with world leaders—maybe she’ll learn about foreign policy by skin contact, breathing the same air or seeing their souls in their eyes. But no writers, no questions and no substance, please! You can fool some of the people, but don’t try to kid this PR person with your phony world leaders photo op. In a lame attempt to get video and photos of Sarah Palin next to world leaders (and that was about the size of it, her sitting next to them making small talk), the media fought back. The total control freakish McCain campaign wanted the headlines and b-roll, but no editorial questions. Questions are hard. They demand answers, which obviously Palin is not ready to give. She’s still cramming for the big exam. So when the networks joined forces and said they would not run the coveted photos and soundless video, the campaign relented and let a CNN producer in for all of 29 seconds of nonsensical chit chat. “No writers, no writers” was the command from Palin’s bouncers as the press pool entered the room. If the McCain campaign is so proud of their pick, why won’t they let her speak in an uncontrolled environment? She chatted with Afghanistan’s President Karzai about babies (a subject she does know first hand), and his own son born last year, and then press conference OVER. We can only imagine the important world- shaking conversation that ensued: “I love your green kaftan, is that silk?” Maybe in her UN meetings this week, she will pass along a valuable gem of info to John McCain—that Prime Minister Zapatero is nearing the end of his term in Spain and the revelation that Spain is not in Latin America. It’s like watching the movie Fargo, with the accent, the pregnancies, the bumbling--but it’s getting too far fetched and running out of laughs.

Palin’ in Comparison

Here’s the irony and believe me, I love irony unless it threatens the future existence of my civil union (thank you New Jersey) or the rights of women everywhere. Here is just one example: Sarah Palin doesn’t believe in Evolution or Global Warming but she DOES believe the Rapture will happen in her lifetime. God’s a comin’ and Sarah and her brood are going to get swept into the sky with a few select others. However in her view, it is mythology that ocean temperatures are rising at an alarming rate. And the dinosaurs, fossils, science of carbon dating, etc. are just tricks played on us by a red guy with horns and a tail who lives at the center of the earth. It makes sense, right? No wonder she doesn’t care about this planet or the creatures that inhabit it, she already has her exit strategy. Earth is so “yesterday” dude.

John McCain’s Little Fishies Like to Cuddle
Thank God for YouTube. They archived John McCain’s take on the environmental friendliness of the cuddly oil industry. Oil is like Snuggles the Bear, who likes to land on your laundry basket. As McCain addressed an audience of head-bobbing supporters who looked drugged, he did a hunched over giddy little dance around the stage, looking disturbingly like Uncle Fester from the Adam’s family. As he twittered “On that oil rig — you look down, and there’s fish everywhere! There’s fish everywhere! Yeah, the fish love to be around those rigs. So not only can it be helpful for energy, it can be helpful for some pretty good meals as well.” Meals? Meaning the fish are easier to catch (for us) or they are licking off the oil platforms? I guess John McCain is a reaaaally abstract thinker, like Michael Keaten’s great quote in Nightshift: “I’m an idea man… I say we feed the mayonnaise to the tuna before we catch them!” I find myself hiding behind furniture when he appears on the TV screen…what is next?

Da-Do Reg Reg

How do you UnDe-Reg your support of De-Regulation? News clips from a year ago (and two decades past) show John McCain supporting Bush in the de-regulation of Wall Street. All for benefit of his Freddie Mac cronies. In other words, like a Girls Gone Wild/ Spring Break orgy, leave them alone and let them do their thing. Then George Bush distances himself from the financial crisis and says Wall Street got drunk and now it has a hangover! Hahaha, except now Wall Street overdosed on heroin and is in the ER. Not so funny George, as our 401Ks take a dive into the toilet. So, how does John McCain flip flop during this crisis and become Regulator Man? Without looking like a h-h-h hypocrite?? Obama should hammer on this ad nauseum.